Children grow. It is a plain and simple truth of life. A little under 8 months ago, as you know, Melissa and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Over the 8 months, we have seen her grow and advance through the stages of development. Now she is crawling...or should I say...trying to skip crawling?
Maggie has always been strong. She has been able to support her own weight on her feet for...well, as long as I remember. since she has been able to crawl she has been pulling herself to her feet. This is awfully early as far as I am concerned.
This is all very good. We enjoy the fact that she is advanced in pretty much all areas of her development. I am not saying she is a genius...well...yes I am. I am a proud father...I can do that. I love the fact that she is growing up. I love the fact that she is developing and learning new things. It is exciting. (By the way...she just sat up on her own for the first time tonight. How exciting!)
But...you know...when I see her do these things like crawl, pull herself up, talk, etc. I begin to feel something else. It is a little depressing. I remember the first time I saw her crawl across the floor without stopping. I felt as though I lost something...something special...something I will never get back. And...I did. I lost my little girl. The little girl who could only get to her knees and rock. But...when she did that...I lost the little girl that couldn't even get onto her knees. It goes all the way back to the first time I held her in my arms. Through the tears in my eyes I saw Magdalene Rae Johnson. My daughter. My child. The center of my world...in my arms. In a way...as she grows up, I continually lose that. It is a sense of grief.
So, things are good. She is developing better than average. It is exciting...it is joyful...it is good. But it is also sad. It is depressing to see your little girl grow and realize that she will never be that little girl who stared up at me that first day, laying her eyes on her daddy for the first time. But, it is a grief that we seek because we want her to grow and learn and develop.
In the end...maybe Charlie Brown had it right. Maybe it is not good. Maybe it is not grief. Maybe in the midst of a cartoon that has entertained for generations is found the term that best describes the feelings of a fairly new father who loves his daughter more than the world will ever know and struggles to find the words to express these emotions. "Good grief!"
Maggie has always been strong. She has been able to support her own weight on her feet for...well, as long as I remember. since she has been able to crawl she has been pulling herself to her feet. This is awfully early as far as I am concerned.
This is all very good. We enjoy the fact that she is advanced in pretty much all areas of her development. I am not saying she is a genius...well...yes I am. I am a proud father...I can do that. I love the fact that she is growing up. I love the fact that she is developing and learning new things. It is exciting. (By the way...she just sat up on her own for the first time tonight. How exciting!)
But...you know...when I see her do these things like crawl, pull herself up, talk, etc. I begin to feel something else. It is a little depressing. I remember the first time I saw her crawl across the floor without stopping. I felt as though I lost something...something special...something I will never get back. And...I did. I lost my little girl. The little girl who could only get to her knees and rock. But...when she did that...I lost the little girl that couldn't even get onto her knees. It goes all the way back to the first time I held her in my arms. Through the tears in my eyes I saw Magdalene Rae Johnson. My daughter. My child. The center of my world...in my arms. In a way...as she grows up, I continually lose that. It is a sense of grief.
So, things are good. She is developing better than average. It is exciting...it is joyful...it is good. But it is also sad. It is depressing to see your little girl grow and realize that she will never be that little girl who stared up at me that first day, laying her eyes on her daddy for the first time. But, it is a grief that we seek because we want her to grow and learn and develop.
In the end...maybe Charlie Brown had it right. Maybe it is not good. Maybe it is not grief. Maybe in the midst of a cartoon that has entertained for generations is found the term that best describes the feelings of a fairly new father who loves his daughter more than the world will ever know and struggles to find the words to express these emotions. "Good grief!"
